Best Man Speech

Delivered on 7/4/09

 

I have known Christian for 25 years. He is the godfather to, and name sake of; my one and only son. He was the best man in my wedding 12 years ago. With the exception of my wife he is the best friend I have ever had and my relationship with him can be summed up in one word. . . Exhausting.

It wasnt long after I met Christian that I was made a defacto member of the Trejbal cult, er, family. I was overjoyed in high school at the prospect of being adopted into a new family, but it wasn’t long after that I discovered their nefarious plan. Without so many words I quickly realized that I was being tasked with the mission of finding someone, _anyone_, who would be willing to take Christian off all of our hands.

It didn’t take long for me to realize this was an impossible mission.

Chris is the smartest person I know. We graduated high school in a class of 370 boys, and he was in the top 1%. He has more degrees than a thermometer, none of which are relavant to his chosen career.

So the first task in my mission was to find someone with an IQ somewhere in the realm of Einstein that would be able to keep up with that intellect of his.

On top of being incredibly intelligent he has the hardest head of any male I have ever met. If you have ever played him in an gameĀ  you know exactly what I am talking about. I challenge all of you to play him in a game of chess or checkers or risk, or god forbid you get him on the golf course and there is a rules violation. He will fight you in every argument and convince you, right or wrong, that his point of view is the right point of view, and that you are, in fact, an uneducated left wing southern bigot.

So the second thing I had to worry about was finding someone able to stand toe to toe with the legendary Trejbal stuborness.

And Chris made it known to me in few words that his standards for physical beauty were in the super model category. I was chastised often and to this day about the date I provided him for homecoming our junior year, I knew he was serious about finding a true beauty.

So as you can see, my task was daunting. I labored over long years, following him from southeastern ohio, across the great cities of europe, to the frigid land of of the upper midwest, but no woman could be found to satisfy the Christian triple punch. To the pacific northwest and here to the great south we treked in search of the one person worthy to be in the presence of Christian.

All to no avail. My mission? A failure. I could never find anyone hot enough, smart enough, or slightly insane enough to take Christian off of all our hands.

Therefore this toast goes to the one woman who found him. The stunningly attractive, brilliant and slighlty insane doctor who saw his mug at the top of an editorial and said “this one is the one for me!”

Salute Peggy!

And Christian, may your marriage quickly discover the bedrock of love and happiness that mine has recently found.

Salute

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